Can you please proofread my college essay?

I loved the essay BUT NEVER EVER EVER ADDRESS THE READER!!!!!!! Take the you out of there but the questions are ok. A bit of run-ons especially towards the end. I do think you might need to watch your word limit since these essays usually have them. The conclusion of your statement really speaks to your personality and you do a good at exposing yourself to the reader. A person who takes action and isn't inactive when new information comes across you. You project a good image and should be able to get in. I think the first sentences should be cut down a bit and refocused on yourself. Other than that I enjoyed the essay and think you are a gifted writer. The first sentence of the last paragraph : "Evidently, through my writing you can see how much I value the knowledge, intelligence, creativity and imagination we all have, particularly my family and I". This sentence makes you sound arrogant, rephrase it.